As anyone who's read quite a few of my older blog posts will know, I'm training to be a local preacher in the Methodist church... and I LOVE preaching! I've been preaching since I was 16, starting out in youth services and at youth groups and then going into the full training when I was 17 (which probably means I should've finished the training by now, but hey - hopefully I'm still seeking God's timing, and if not, I'm trying my best to get it done a.s.a.p!). And ever since I started, I realised that preaching put my presenting skills into a setting that felt powerful to speak; I found that when I spoke about God I was discovering that he is more and more incredible and I just wanted to share that with everyone! And preaching also gave ground to my theology study for my degree - in my first year I wasn't preaching as I was taking the time to settle into a church, and I ended up thinking that Christianity was all about the theology that you thought. And it's not! Preaching grounds my thinking to constantly wrap around to what that actually means in the lives of Christians; in my relationship with God; in the Church; and in the world! All that is to say that I LOVE preaching!!! Anyway, I was preaching here at the English-speaking (thankfully!) church that I've settled in whilst I've been out here, last week (not yesterday, the Sunday before!). And so I was really excited, if a little nervous beforehand as I usually am, but as I started to speak I felt that calm and that power and it was all OK. This church is non-denominational; as in, it doesn't associate with any denomination and is inclusive of people from all denominations! It's also a very global church, with English-speakers from around the world. A lot of whom work in different missionary activities in the surrounding area, and a lot of whom are only there for short amounts of time. So it's also quite transient. Which all certainly makes for an interesting mix of people! A great, diverse and welcoming mix of people - but so interesting! The day I was preaching, a big proportion of the church was actually our Mission Direct team of 24 who were leaving that afternoon (made a change to have England in the pulpit and England possibly the biggest proportion of the congregation over here!!!). So anyway, I'd prayed about it lots and I ended up preaching on the difference between fearing the world and fearing God - how fearing the world paralyses us and makes us want to hide, whilst fearing God is the beginning of learning how amazing he is, and thus gives us power and strength. How fear of the world turns us in towards ourselves where we think we are safe, but fear of God turns us out towards the world where we love and serve and "soar on wings like eagles". And then after the service I experienced something I had never experienced before. As I finished speaking and returned to my seat, a woman walked up to me and whispered words to the effect of, "I don't agree with you one bit. You're wrong. God is not to be feared. Love and fear cannot go together." And then she walked off and left, before the service had even finished. The comment in itself is a fair comment, and I would've loved to be able to sit down with her and discuss that - we could look to the Bible, she could point out 1 John 4.16-18; that "perfect love drives out fear", and we could have discussed how I see that as John talking about fear of the world, and that when, in v.17 he talks about "having confidence on the day of judgement" he shows that yes, fear of God would be a negative thing, if you didn't also understand the love of God. But to hold them both together is to hold God as the God who "sits in judgement of my sin, but forgives me nevertheless." [1] At the time, I was a little upset by this. All those thoughts running through my head; 'did I preach what God wanted me to?' 'Did I get it wrong?' A man who was sitting behind me lent over and said that he thought the service was great and he was sorry that happened, and then I kind of calmed down because his just-beginning-to-walk baby was walking around my chair and holding my leg to balance, so I just revelled in human pureness and innocence for a little while! And then after the service, everyone else was so encouraging! One lady was crying, telling me it was exactly what she needed to here, and a man told me it made something he'd been thinking about for about a year finally make sense. And it was all so positive! More comments showing that people were really engaging with what I'd said than I'd ever experienced before. So I put the negative one to the back of my mind, and moved on. But you know how one negative comment stands out more than a hundred positive ones... Well I'd been thinking about it occasionally over the week, and then it got to Saturday night and I couldn't sleep well (another story in there!), so my mind was racing through different thoughts. And I was back to thinking, 'Arrr, I should've said more. More about the interplay between love and fearing God. More about how it's not fearing in the same sense as running away. I should've just said more. I had more time to speak, I should've said more. Lord, did I stop listening to you when I thought I'd finished? God, did I GET IT WRONG? ...' And then, 'Well, at least after tomorrow someone else's sermon will be in everyone's mind instead.' And I went to sleep (or thought about something else, at any rate!). Then at church, we had a great message from one of the Pastors, which really gave me something to think about (something completely unrelated to this!), and all was good. After the service, I'd been in to count the offering, and came out and another lady came bouncing up to me, "You did the sermon last week, didn't you? I just wanted to say, it was SO good. So true! It spoke straight to me; I've been talking about it all week - you'll make a great Pastor." (You get used to the fact that people have different words for church leaders and preachers in different places!) Those words... "so true" in particular... were exactly what I needed to hear. It was God answering my 'did I get it wrong?!'. Life's not always easy. And certainly, following God and doing God's work is not always easy. Just like a parent teaching a child to swim; sure, God throws us in at the deep end, but he never leaves us. Because even if we're strong swimmers, in the pool of life there are waves and obstacles and things that terrify us - so he's always waiting there to pull us out when we need it. So that we might turn from our fear of the world and fear the God who throws us out into the world, whilst remaining secure in the knowledge that his love will never fail to save us.
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AuthorI'm a recent Cambridge Theology graduate now studying for a Masters in Biblical Studies and blogging about all sorts of things! I'm interested in faith, Church, theology, social action, the great outdoors and being creative, and all of those things - along with many more - come through in my posts!
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