= No te Preocupes, mi Niña This is what God is saying to me over and over again at the moment! In the DR, I spent a lot of time praying (well, with no internet, no TV and not being able to go out after dark - at about 18:00 each night - due to the sex tourism and drug and gangster problems), and particularly praying about what God might use me for. I had NO IDEA where my life was headed... I still don't really! But I did feel like he was telling me that I would work directly for him. Now this could mean practically anything, but at least it's a place to start! :-D And then, I guess beyond that, he's telling me not to worry about it! He's in control, so I don't have to!!! Not only was there yesterday's sermon telling me not to be afraid, but God has told me in so many other ways as well! I was talking to the lady who lead our group in the DR last night, and she was telling me pretty much the same thing. To take one step at a time and not worry about where the final step will be - just to follow God and delight in him!
Also, I have this notebook I got a couple of years back and I try and keep up with daily devotions in there with my SOLO Bible - it's a devotional Bible with The Message translation! Anyway, that notebook has little Bible verses or quotes or poems or things at the bottom of every other page and the last 3 have been: 1. "Those who draw near to God// One step through doubtings dim,// God will advance a mile// In blazing light to them." 2. "Live carefree before God; He is most careful with you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7 (TM)" 3. "God says, 'I'll take the burden - don't give it a thought - leave it to Me.' God is keenly aware that we are dependent upon Him for life's necessities. ~ Billy Graham" More and more, God is saying to me, "No te preocupes, mi niña." And then in the actual devotions this morning, I was looking at 1 Kings 17:7-16. Go look it up! It's the account of Elijah going to a widow for food, asking her for the very last of what she had, what she was going to us to keep her and her son alive for just one more day. And when she does, she had enough food to last them until the drought ends. And it reminded me that when we give something up for God - our dreams, our wants, even what we think we need - he turns it round and he blesses us with joy and love and grace... and with more than we could ever even imagine. So I will not worry about my future. I will not sit up at night, trying to plan it all and work it all out - I will leave that to God! Knowing that where he calls me, he will go before me. And what he asks me to give up for him, he will bless me with abundantly.
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= ¡Dios Escucha!
It's almost as if God listens to what we say and think!!! ;-) Of course, I knew he does, but it's still amazing when he responds to us so clearly! This morning at church, my minister was preaching (I go to a Methodist church, so this isn't as often as you might think!) and the reading she was preaching from was Matthew 21:23-32; Jesus' authority was questioned and the parable of the two sons. In particular, she was preaching on actually walking the talk! In the parable, a father asks his first son to go and work the vineyard for him, and the son answers, "I will not", but later, he thinks better of it and goes and does the work. The father also went and asked his second son to go and work the vineyard, and this son answers, "Sure, no problem, I'd be glad to", and yet he never goes. Jesus then asks the people which son did what the father wanted, to which, of course, they reply; the first! And this comes at a time when I KEEP finding myself thinking about being out in the DR in a more long-term way. And as soon as I realise I'm thinking about it, almost without thinking, my response is, "I can't". I guess what I'm actually saying is, "I won't". But either way, I'm sounding a lot like that first son at the moment. And then the minister talked about not knowing where we might end up - that maybe some of us will never go further than this village, but are called to show God's love here - and that maybe some of us will be sent all over the world, showing God's love around the globe. And my heart was beating so fast. And I was terrified... I AM terrified, that there may even be a glimmer of a chance that God is calling me out into the world like that. And then the minister said, "But you don't have to be afraid. Because where God will call you, he will be with you. And God gives us the gifts and the strength and the patience that we need to be there." And I felt like she was talking straight to me. I'm still afraid. I'm still reciting "I can't" through my mind as if it's going to change anything. And I'm still desperately praying for discernment. But like the last song we sang in church this morning - an old one - I'm praying that God will; "Take my life and let it be Consecrated, Lord, to Thee." And the thing that struck me SO MUCH about that hymn this morning, is that all the way through the first few verses, it's asking God - "let it be..." - whatever it is, it's ASKING that it will be as the song is singing. But then in the final 2 verses, this changes to; "Take my will and make it Thine, It shall be no longer mine. Take my heart, it is Thine own, It shall be Thy royal throne. Take my love, my Lord, I pour At Thy feet its treasure store. Take myself and I will be Ever, only, all for Thee." And as I was singing it, I was proclaiming it; YES, my SHALL BE no longer mine, my heart SHALL BE his throne, I DO pour my love at his feet, and I WILL BE "Ever, only, all for Thee." = Sólo una Soñadora I can't sleep and so decided I might write instead; I had too many thoughts whizzing around my head!
I was thinking about my recent trip to the Dominican Republic - I was hoping I might write a series of posts about my trip, but I just don't know where to begin or what to say! And because I didn't have internet while I was there, I don't just want to give an account of what I did each day, as where's the point in that! So hopefully, I'll be able to tell you more about it as part of saying something else as well! Anyway, I got back in England about 5 days ago and before that I was out in the DR for 2 weeks with a team, through Mission Direct (an organisation which sets up mission trips to help in some of the worlds poorest places). Anyway, I was incredibly touched by the trip and really feel that I want to get more involved with mission work there, but I am scared that I have always been no more than a dreamer; and the more I dream about the DR, the worse I feel because I'm not DOING anything. Granted, I have only been home 5 days, but... I don't know! I'll be heading back into my 2nd year of my 3 year degree in Theology at Cambridge University in just under a week, and I can't help but think about how different it's going to be there than in the DR. I mean, already it has been arranged that I'm going to a meal with my Fresher family (a system to give all new 1st year students in the college some older students who can help them if they have any problems settling in!) that will cost me £20 and that I don't even really want to go to! When there are families starving and young girls MY AGE selling themselves for less than a dollar because they have no other way of providing for themselves. What am I doing?! £20!!! I know I should look at what I've got as a blessing - which I know it is, and I am thankful to God every day for all that I am blessed with - but I can't help but feel disgusted by what I have wasted my money on, over just the past year! And then I pray to God that I will use the feelings and the sorrow that I feel right now, to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING. But I don't know what! Currently I am trying to discern whether God's plan for me may involve going out again to the DR next year. This would be for a longer time, hopefully the full 3 months that I get on summer holiday from uni; in which case I would be out there helping to lead the teams that go out, just like mine did, at intervals throughout the summer! But I have this tiny tinge of a feeling in the pit of stomach currently, that it will end up as longer than that in the future. But that scares me, so my plan is to ignore that tinge until it grows a bit and until I can't possibly ignore it any longer!!! After all, it could just be my stomach still adjusting back to English food! ;-P But I do feel that God placed the DR on my heart a long time ago. That's why I ended up on this trip in the first place; it wasn't the idea of doing mission, but rather the fact that I had felt a love for the country and it's people for a long time and this was the easiest way I could see of getting out there and meeting them! Just a normal holiday would never work: 1) Because I would get so bored just lounging around; and 2) Because you never actually get to meet the locals properly or truly experience the culture of a place if you're going round as a tourist all the time! But I'd been interested in the country for AGES! Having learnt Spanish in school and 6th Form, I thought I'd at least be able to communicate to a basic level with people there, and this had also given me the chance to study the politics and demographics of the country for A-Level. I'd also been sponsoring a little girl called Esmaili in the DR, through Compassion UK for a couple of years, and writing to and receiving letters from her certainly kept up my love for the country! And then I was FINALLY able to go! A dream come true, one might say! :-D The trip was AMAZING. Absolutely AMAZING! I was so blessed by all the people there working so hard and actuallyDOING things for God. Serving the poor and really making a difference to peoples' lives. Our main project was in conjunction with the Samaritan Foundation and that was building a house for a family. Between the 7 of us who went on that trip, we sponsored the building of a modest family home, and then when we went out we helped build it! [We actually just moved dirt and made cement and built windows; but it's not like we had any skills whatsoever to actually build a house, so we were very glad of the skilled workers supporting us throughout!] Anyway, at the end of the fortnight, we were able to hand over this house (not quite with the toilet in yet, but it was to arrive soon) to a family who really needed it. The family having our house was a single mum with 6 daughters and her oldest daughter had a son as well! They were currently staying with the mother's brother who was looking after them in his tin shack with a leaking roof, no solid walls, no toilet and not even prime location for the girls' schooling or a clinic. And they were staying with the brother because the mother's husband had tried to kill her and all the children in a fire in their old house and so they were running away from him. House dedication and handover day was emotional as the mum, clearly holding back tears, was given a house with (nearly!) a toilet, with an intact roof, and placed in a new village which eventually will have a school in it and isn't far from a clinic. It was such a humbling experience,, to be able to give someone something as basic as this, and for it to be practically palacial compared to what they had before - I have 4 sisters, making 5 girls and my parents living in our 5 bedroom, nicely sized British house; the idea of us fitting into a house the size that we built... it just doesn't compare! Other than the main project we also did some ministry trips, usually in the afternoons! We visited a men's drug and alcohol rehab centre; we visited a children's home for disabled children which had been set up by a wonderful Godly woman in her own home and with no stable financial support at all; we visited a part of the DR which had long been filled with sewage and definitely one of the worst places to live and which now is beginning to look like a community thanks to lots of work done by a local lady running a school and many church programmes and clinic programmes there. We went into a few of the other Samaritan Foundation villages - ones that are already built - where we did painting, varnishing, feeding, teaching, playing, singing, etc. And everywhere we went, there were so many people who couldn't wait to meet us and be with us and love us. And I couldn't wait to do the same back. And there was probably more that is skipping my mind right now; but it's late so you'll have to forgive me! ;-) Of course, we also had a couple of tourist-y days; one when we went up Mount Isabel de Torres in the cable cars and another where we spent a few hours on a sandbank in the ocean nicknamed 'Paradise Island' before having a speed boat tour in and out, through winding paths of mangrove trees! So it certainly wasn't all work!!! But every single thing about the country made me fall more and more in love with it and the people who live there. It's natural beauty and the pockets of beautiful community dotted around, mean I will never be able to forget this tiny little country on that tiny little island. And I pray that God will use me and my love for them to act out his love on earth, bringing hope to the poor and strength to the weak. And I also pray that one day, I will be able to look back at this and laugh; "Ha! I used to be only a dreamer...!" = Un Nuevo Blog - ¡Qué emocionante!
Well, I just felt it was time for a change; I have a feeling this is going to be the start of a new journey, and I wanted to use this to keep track of it all! And maybe, if I actually manage to keep an even semi-regular blog going, maybe sometime in the future, it can be a place where people can keep track of what I'm up to and pray for where God is taking me! So a little bit of an explanation of this blog: THE TITLE - "You WILL GO OUT IN JOY and be led FORTH IN Peace". This is written on the front cover of a beautiful little notebook that I bought this summer at a Christian festival - it's an excerpt from Isaiah 55:12. I haven't yet decided what to use this notebook for, but on my heart very much at the moment is how I can work for God. I've just returned from a mission trip and during that trip I spent a lot of time praying and asking God to use my life, asking him how he will use my future (when it gets dark at 18:00 and you have no internet or TV, there's not much else to distract you! ;-P), and the overwhelming answer he gave me was that I will definitely be working directly for him. I guess, as a local preacher already and studying for my degree in Theology, this shouldn't have been as much as surprise as it was!!! But this reading (and the surrounding vv.12-13) talks about - amongst other topics - making a great change in peoples' character. And that's a change I feel is brewing in me. A change from a holder of a passive Christianity (yes, loving God and trying to consider him in my life; but above this, making my own decisions and planning my own future) to an active heart showing God in the world and loving as he first loved me. And more than this, it is a change that by which God will be glorified - a covenant of blessings and grace. That if we follow God and walk with him always, our joy - in him - will be made complete (John 15:11). THE SPANISH POST TITLES - I've always had a passion for learning and Spanish is one my favourite languages. I learnt it up to AS-Level in school and have always just loved the way it sounded and speak it as much as I possibly can! I started this ages ago, with my old blog, and now (having spent time in a Spanish-speaking country, I love it more and more and more. THE PHOTO BEHIND THE POSTS - This was a photo I took in the Dominican Republic. It's of a flower on the Flamboyant Tree. These trees are everywhere there and I just think there so beautiful, and I LOVE how red the flowers are! So that's why I picked it! So that's why this blog looks like it does; I just hope I manage to follow through with some good posts too!!! |
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AuthorI'm a recent Cambridge Theology graduate now studying for a Masters in Biblical Studies and blogging about all sorts of things! I'm interested in faith, Church, theology, social action, the great outdoors and being creative, and all of those things - along with many more - come through in my posts!
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