Then the Lord said to Moses, "Make a fiery serpent and set it on a pole; and it shall be that everyone who is bitten, when they look at it, shall live." Numbers 21.8 I was really stuck with this one for a while... both the verse and the comments just confused me a little, and I wasn't really hearing anything in them. So first off, I want to share that experience because that's ok - especially those who are creative among us, we often expect ourselves to come up with all the ideas always. And sometimes that comes from other people expecting that of us! That we can turn any topic or comment into something creative, or that we have a view on everything that they want to hear. Well often; but not always. And that's ok.
This has been my experience with studying the Bible too. Sometimes, some texts are just confusing. I pray for God to explain to me what they mean, or how they could possibly show the God that the rest of the Bible says God is, and who Jesus - the Word become flesh - shows God is! But I don't get the answer. That's ok too. God will speak to me in that passage when God knows I'm ready or I need it. So first off, don't be afraid to park things for a while - somewhere you can come back to them, again and again, but not somewhere you're anxiously seeing them all the time and worrying about your lack of inspiration! Secondly - this image. When I kept coming back to my church's post for today, there was one line that the imagery stood out to me. It was talking about the story that comes before the above verse, where the people had done wrong, and this is what had made a way for the snakes that were biting and killing them all to come into the camp. And they came, all together, and corporately confessed what they'd done, crying out to God, realising that what they did had caused this bad thing to happen. And their deep introspection and genuine remorse and pain and suffering moved God to act. Then that imagery I was talking about: 'We too can move heaven during this lockdown...' I think the rest of the image speaks for itself. Stay safe, and take care!
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This verse really stood out to me today. This month I'm looking at the concept of faith with my youth group - what is it, what difference it makes, what it means to have it, and so on. And then, in my preparation, I stumbled across this verse via a page listing three people who stood out for their faith in the gospels.
In Matthew 15:21-18, this lady stands out for her faith. In a time when people of her race were villainised, and people of her gender were victimised, she repeatedly and restlessly sought out the one who could help her. She trusted without hesitating. I wondered: when little things are piling up against me, do I still have the faith that pauses in trying to fix everything myself (or puts a stop on the anxiety-driven fear-mongering of myself) to fall down and know that God will help me? To know it! Because this lady had every reason to leave, or give up, or just fight everyone, and call them out - her precious daughter was being daily afflicted, and no-one had been able to help, and now there was one who she knew could. And who she trusted would - if she could just get through to him. So instead of seeing all the roadblocks around her, she kept her eyes (and her trust) fixed on Jesus. She cried out to him until Jesus' followers begged Jesus to send her away because they were so annoyed. Then she cried out some more until Jesus stopped and told her he wasn't sent to her, "but she came and knelt before him, saying 'Lord, help me.'" She tells him that she doesn't need it all, just some - she says he has enough power to feed those he was sent to feed, and with just the crumbs of the leftovers, he has the power to heal her daughter. This woman knows Jesus, and that drives all her thought processes, actions, and emotions. "O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire." came Jesus' reply. "And her daughter was healed instantly." Again: when little things are piling up against me, do I still have the faith that pauses in trying to fix everything myself (or put a stop on the anxiety-driven fear-mongering of myself) to fall down and know that God will help me? To know it! I just got back from a week away by the sea! It's good to be home and to catch up on all the things I didn't do while on holiday, but I'm also always sad to say goodbye to the sea. And this photo pretty much sums those feelings up for me. I imagine my face with this wistful, longing look on it, gazing out, trying to know every undulation and take in all of this expanse - which I can't possibly do - while I can.
The sea has always made me think of God. How vast it is. How powerful it is. That I could never fully take it all in, but therefore, that I could never tire of endlessly exploring it. I remember a couple of years ago, sitting out on a surfboard in Cornwall waiting for a wave to come, and I kind of feel like that now. I feel like God is allowing me to glimpse something of the wonderful plans God has for me to get involved in - out there on the horizon - and I'm waiting. But it doesn't feel like it has at points in the past: like I'm aimlessly waiting, and praying desperately that God would reveal to me what I'm to do, because without that purpose explained I'm just bobbing around. And my legs are so tired from all the treading water that I know I can't keep it up. In those moments, I've needed God to save me. And God did. But this is different. This is like sitting on that surfboard. I have the feeling in my muscles from the shorter waves I caught closer in, practice spaces, trial and planning phases. I'm grateful for the rest as I sit and feel the undercurrents of God - the motions and movements, the direction they're pulling in. I'm immensely impressed at the beauty and vastness of God as I stare out at the sea all around me. I don't mind that I'm waiting this time - sure, I'm excited and looking forward to when it does come - but I'm not anxious or distressed in this waiting, because I'm spending this time delighting in who God is and all that God has done. And possibly more than anything, I am so hopeful. I'm excited. I feel elevated. There is a sense still, while I'm waiting, that something is about to happen. The waters are starting to stir in the way they do when there's going to be a big wave. And I want it. I don't know if I'll be able to ride it in all the way; there's a real possibility I might fall. But this is the sea we're talking about. This is God we're thinking of. There will be more waves. Grace comes again and again - and the more I ride on these waves, the more exceptional those rides will become. Don't get me wrong - I've experienced both of these kinds of waiting, and I probably will again. Sometimes waiting is just really hard. We all today live in a culture of immediacy, which means that waiting for something jars with us. We start to think that maybe it won't happen at all. I have struggled with this on numerous occasions. But I wanted to share this with you all because there are other kinds of waiting too, and waiting can be a positive experience. If you're in the midst of a waiting struggle - keep praying, be honest to God with your feelings, and allow God to save you from them. And if you're in the midst of a waiting like mine on the surfboard - delight in it, document it so you can remember it in the future, praise God in it. God is a God of all our different experiences and emotions. So keep God involved in them! Psalm 139.5 | אָח֣וֹר וָקֶ֣דֶם צַרְתָּ֑נִי וַתָּ֖שֶׁת עָלַ֣י כַּפֶּֽכָה׃
"Behind and in front, you've enclosed me, and put your hand upon me." We can do this. We're moving forwards and I'm not afraid. Sometimes I dig my heels in, but you move me onward anyway. You lead me - you're excited and you know the way through - there's so much you want to show me. You're who I see, and want to see, but sometimes I wish you'd just tell me where we're going too. You've got my back - you're sensible, responsible, secure - it's comforting. You hem me in, I can't escape; there is no escaping life, but at least I can live it with you. I know that whatever happens you're there and your palm on me tells me that you won't abandon me. I won't be alone. I won't be lost. Always seeking you and your presence. At least not lost forever. Behind and in front. You oscillate. I oscillate. Hooks and waves, wind and power... flow and unpredictability. I think I've always struggled to really conceptualise what the place of the Holy Spirit is in my life. I don't know - I can't put my hands on it, and I like to get my hands dirty! I like to play with things, and test things out to see how they work and what they produce. Even in my essays, I test ideas and concepts out, meshing things together and creating arguments, seeing how it flows, building it up, seeing how it grows! Reading the Bible is something solid, I can see it, touch it, study it, wrestle with it, discover new in it! Prayer even, I can try different ways of praying, use my words, images, colours, nature, etc.! But the Spirit - what is it? We talk about the Spirit guiding us, and being in us, and being "God's presence in our lives" - but WHAT IS THAT?! A couple of weekends back I was among stunning autumnal landscapes in the Peak District for a church retreat. Amidst climbing rolling hills, jumping across stepping stones and eating SO MUCH good food, we had a session in which we looked a little bit at being continually filled with the Holy Spirit. And we'd already looked at the TSP prayer (thanks, sorry, please) before, and then one of the pastors introduced a TSP challenge for praying for the Holy Spirit to have a place in our lives each day.
How you finish those sentences can be as wide-ranging as each day is from the last! But I've been finding that something as simple as this - it just gives me a thing to put my hands on! A thing to test out! I want to test out God's promises that God will be with me - and God is only too willing to be there! In the session, the pastor challenged us to a 60-day tsp challenge, so I guess that's kind of what I've been doing! I'm on day 9, and so far, yeah, I feel different. Like the world has more possibility somehow. Like God has words each day for me to hear - some even for me to speak. I made this painting (above). Its colours make me think of something ethereal yet deep. It's fluid-like texture describes the un-graspable nature of water; it reminds me of the phrase "a chasing after the wind" in Ecclesiastes (thanks revision!). And it's true: I can't put my hands on the Spirit - I can't manipulate it to produce certain results, I can't catch it and use it when I think I need it and keep it somewhere safe when I don't. But I can ask for it in ways that, like these colours, give me a basis - give me a starting point. To want to be taught, to surrender and to know God presently and powerfully. How those colours interact is a world of possibility, and the effects they produce I may be unable to fully comprehend. But that freedom and potential - that is beautiful. God in my life is beautiful. And I want more of it. Maybe you'll consider taking up this challenge too! #tspchallenge 😉 I invite you to use it as a starting point and see what God has to say! Get your hands (and your heart) dirty and see what happens! God is full of surprises and is just waiting to come into your life more! |
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AuthorI'm a recent Cambridge Theology graduate now studying for a Masters in Biblical Studies and blogging about all sorts of things! I'm interested in faith, Church, theology, social action, the great outdoors and being creative, and all of those things - along with many more - come through in my posts!
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