So this term has been a bit crazy, but as it draws to a close I thought I might (briefly!) reflect on my time here at Cambridge as a university student.
Straight off the bat; first year is strange. And not the easy kind of strange either! :-P It's just so different to life before uni. To begin with, I really struggled to make friends; fresher's week was a terrible amalgamation of trying to force "friendships" on people, usually amidst alcohol fueled antics. And I just couldn't get on with the fact that I was going to something with the aim to make friends. After my first 5 weeks here, I wanted to leave - I didn't fit in, I didn't get on with anyone and I didn't like it one bit. But apparently I wasn't the only one feeling that way, so if you do, hang in there! I joined the rowing club with my college, because I've always loved being out on rivers or in the sea or on a lake, and a couple of the girls in my crew invited me back for pasta one evening after training. And that was the beginning of two beautiful friendships which I hope will remain with me forever! It also led to my introduction to other friends, and gradually - though I ended up attending less of my lectures! - I began to really enjoy being in Cambridge. Around that time I also found a church I could settle in to. Again, the first few weeks of "church touring" are really weird. I didn't really like how big and full the "student-y" churches were and I missed being with people who weren't all doing exactly the same thing I was. I found a church with all-ages, though at the time, no students, and it just felt like family. It was what I'd been missing; love, care, interest in what I was doing; and as I got to know them too, people to love and care about, people to be interested in what they were doing. Meeting on Sundays and during the week became like the time at the end of a day, when the family sits around and talks about what they did. I needed that. The rest of first year and second year flew by in a whirlwind of adventure and excitement. Looking back, it took me a while to work out who I was - to stop trying to be who I thought I was supposed to be and, often, pretending I was something I wasn't. But I certainly loved life! I was in love, I had a great group of friends around me, was part of a loving church family, I loved getting involved in all kinds of things, and I was enjoying my degree as well (even if still not attending quite as many lectures as I should have!)! Third year suddenly got more complicated, but still, having good friends around me kept me just about sane! Some difficult family news in first term, coupled with the way Cambridge's short terms are packed absolutely chocka, and some delay in supervisions starting the following term, meant that I've kind of been playing catch-up this whole year! So when my final exams came around, I didn't feel as prepared as I would've liked; possibly contributing to some stress and anxiety issues around that time. Thankfully, with the support of friends and the college particularly, exams have now been and gone, and weren't as terrible as I thought they'd have been! So now, I leave. Another time of transition and change. But I'm ready for it; I am so ready to do something that isn't a degree and I am excited for what the next year may hold. I will still be in Cambridge, and most of my friends are planning to stay on for another year of study, so some things will no doubt remain the same. But what I will be doing and how I will be living, will no doubt be different too. So watch this space - as this blog will probably change a little too! And anyway, before then I will be heading back out to the Dominican Republic again in July, which I am INCREDIBLY excited for - so there will be quite a few blog posts documenting my time out there! And I'm also finally getting the time to delve into the relationship between theology and art, so expect more posts along that kind of theme too! Exciting times!!! And speak soon! ;-D
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At the start of this term (the term of my final university exams), I was directed to this verse by a Bible-reading plan entitled, 'The Lies of Busyness'. Psalm 39.6a says this, "We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing" (NLT). How did the writer of this Psalm, all those thousands and thousands of yeas ago, know so clearly what life would be like today?! I think this is one of my biggest fears when I think about the future: that all my busyness achieves nothing; that I don't make a difference to anyone; that I don't change or do anything. It's easy to think when each day is taken up with writing essay after essay on obscure topic after obscure topic! And to be honest, a lot of my busyness IS pointless! When I busy myself making more lists of what I need to do, or busy myself in procrastination, even when I busy myself so much with work that I neglect the people around me.
Busyness in and of itself is not a bad thing. I would hate it if I spent day after day doing nothing; I could always find something to busy myself with! "But busyness requires intention," as the Bible-reading plan so adequately put it. ... And then, after I'd painted on my shadows rushing around, and the busy dashes heading in every direction, ending in nothing, my eyes were drawn to the end of verse 7. "My hope is in you." (ESV). Sometimes I can't see what my busyness is headed for, but my hope and my intention is in God and therefore I will follow where he leads me and do what he challenges me to do. So I painted on a red dashed line. One which umm-ed and ahh-ed in curves and points, U-turns and spirals, but one which was drawn inexplicably along by the hope and light that comes only from God. MY PRAYER: Lord, amidst the busyness of this exam term, may my hope and the intention of all my actions be found in you. Guard me from pointless busyness and challenge me to live busy with a purpose; YOUR purpose. My hope IS in you. AMEN. I've been getting quite into art of late! My mum has started doing LOTS of painting at home, and her paintings look sooo good they've inspired me to be a bit more creative... when I have time! But I've also become fascinated over the connection points between theology and art!
I've been working on my coursework essays a lot this term, and one of them is on art and archeology during the 2nd Century to 5th Century CE, and what it tells us about Jewish identity at the time. To limit my essay somewhat (and fit it into the 5000 word limit!) I've decided to focus particularly on the use of the Bible in art found in Jewish settings and what that suggests. And it is so cool! Because around the 2nd-5th centuries, synagogue art just exploded in a way we haven't found in a Jewish setting at any other time; there were people and animals and even depictions of the hand of God in some of the stories, and then after that time, there seems to have been a process of "undoing", almost, all that figural art and a returning to a state of only permitting geometric designs. And I don't know enough about the use of art across different times, or particularly in relation to Christian theology, but I really want to!!! Maybe when I get some more time, hey! ;-D But it's also gotten me thinking about art and theology more generally as well; like how in both doing art and perceiving art you can say/hear different things than just with what we can say/hear with only words. How different people can see different things in art; different emphases. How it allows God to speak to people, where they are, through what they see in it. And that makes me wonder about how that could be used in worship. I think a lot of "religious art" over the years has been literal depictions of Biblical stories or images. And I kind of think that's a shame, because I don't think that's the only way it can be done. As I said, I don't really know enough about the relation between theology and art, but I WANT TO! Like, what does it even mean to "do theology" through art? How do you capture, for example, all the multiple layers and ambiguity in a parable and what that is trying to say about Jesus, about God, and/or about life?! What about starting with an image and moving to a theological interpretation from there - just as we can see God in life and in people, what can we see of him in pictures? And is all of this still "doing theology"?! Further, how does our culture or experience affect the pictures we make, or the meanings we see, or the view of God we hold? These are all questions I want to explore, and maybe post final exams this May/June, I'll still want to and I'll be able to really think about some of these questions more fully! Oh for free time!!! But for now, amidst the busyness of my Uni course, my preaching and all the other little things that fill up my calendar, I'll have to be content with the odd hour here and there to delve into my thought-world of theology and art. I'm also going to try and put more art on here - when I get chance to make any! - alongside views from people of what it could mean. Hopefully people might also comment and share what they see in it too! :-) One thing I am sure of; "doing theology" isn't just for those doing a course in an educational establishment, or even those who like to or find it easy to read! Theology is "the study of the nature of God and religious belief" - so anyone who thinks on who God is and his relation to their life is doing theology. And as Christians, I believe we should all be doing a whole lot more of it!!! This phrase has kept cropping up for me this week - in various different settings and with various different people. And I think it is something I have been experiencing and learning too. At the beginning of this week, I finally decided to email my Director of Studies (who organises my academic stuff here at Uni) to tell him that, though I had emailed my supervisor twice, I hadn't managed to gain a reply about starting supervisions for this term. Within a couple of days he found the same thing and got in touch with a few other people to find someone else who would be more than capable to supervise me for this paper. The new supervisor has now been in touch and we are ready to begin the work. Simultaneously, I had a supervision at the beginning of this week on the module I am writing 2 coursework essays for. I had worked a lot over the Christmas vacation and in these first 2 weeks of term to get the first draft of this done. The supervision lasted all of 16 minutes, because after telling me I just needed to start again, there wasn't really much more my supervisor could say! In that moment, this was definitely one of those times when you just feel disappointed with yourself and like a fool. I felt like pretty much the only work I had really achieved anything on this whole term, up to that point, had been a waste. All my precious time, just gone. Now that's not entirely true - I have also been doing other work this term, and have been learning things even if not producing essays on them. But in the moment, you never remember those things - just the feeling of lack, of waste and of failure. But now, I have gained perspective! If I'd have emailed my Director of Studies in Week 1, after getting no reply, he might have been able to contact that supervisor and we could have started earlier - or at least found that I needed a different supervisor earlier. And if I'd have asked for a preliminary supervision before the Christmas vacation, my coursework supervisor would have definitely given me one, and we could have discussed what direction my essay would take and I would have known what path I needed to follow, rather than grasping the wrong end of the stick firmly in my hands and hitting my laptop with it until enough words came out! I have also been looking at things I want to be doing next year, after finishing here. And I look at all the things required, and I think "How?!" 'I can't do all that! God, I don't know how to do what I think you want me to...' And I feel God saying back, "No. But that's why I've put people who do know around you." People with more experience than me; people with contacts and knowledge and wisdom. Through the not particularly nice experiences of earlier this week - God has reminded me that I am not alone. And I follow him with both his strength and the strength of those he has placed around me. NOTHING is wasted. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" ~ Romans 8.28Today at church we had the Covenant Service. Every year in the Methodist Church we hold a covenant service where we reaffirm the covenant we make with God - and we use the above prayer to do so. It is a very powerful, strong, and often difficult prayer in which we commit our whole selves over to God.
Before we got to this part of the service though, my minister gave a brief sermon on the gospel reading - John 15.1-8; "I am the true vine...". And she talked about how it is easy to be scared off by this prayer; this commitment. And we all, often, have times when we're scared that we're too bad, too rubbish at living out the Christian values we profess to have, too much like the part of the branch that is fit only for the chop; that somehow God's pruning would prune us all away. But Jesus says, "You are already clean - you are already pruned - because of me" (v.3). And so it is through him, that I have the power to say, "God, put me to what you will. Full, empty, with all things or with nothing... - take everything I am - I give it to you freely and wholeheartedly. You are mine and I am yours. SO BE IT." The other reason I give myself to God, is because in doing so I find life. In God is love and hope and peace and joy; and in God is abundance. Also this morning, before going to my usual church, I also went to the college Chapel and the ex-Archbishop of Canterbury (the Master at my college) was preaching, predominantly focusing on the gospel reading which was John 2.1-11; Jesus turning water into wine for the wedding in Cana. And he talked about how this is the beginning of John showing us the glory of Christ. They ended up with between 540 and 780 litres of wine - that's between 720 and 1040 bottles today's size!!! No party needs that much wine! But Jesus gives in abundance as God gives us grace in abundance too. The other thing mentioned in the sermon this morning was that Jesus took the water used for the purification rituals; something people thought they had to do in order to keep right with God. And he takes that and turns it into something that brings joy and sociability. Obviously, wine has it's limits and often too much leads to the opposite, but thankfully, God's grace and love does not. Yes, in committing myself to God I try to act in a way that exemplifies that, but I don't do this by setting endless rules for myself and being so scared to break them that I can no longer experience the abundance of joy and love that God has for me. Instead, I do this by growing ever-closer to God. The more time you spend with someone, the more their habits rub off on you too - you coin their phrases, or wash-up the way they do it. And the same is true for God. So my commitment to God begins with simply making time to be with him and grow closer to him. That is what making this covenant is about for me; becoming more "Godly" - more like God - by giving him my time and my thoughts and my heart. Today is also my birthday. The big 21! ;-D And so as I venture into this next year of my life, into "real adulthood" (!), and quite possibly into life beyond university; I pray that my life will be God's and that I will grow closer and closer to him, that he may put me to what he will and that his love and grace and pure abundance may be extended to those around me through my actions. SO BE IT. |
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AuthorI'm a recent Cambridge Theology graduate now studying for a Masters in Biblical Studies and blogging about all sorts of things! I'm interested in faith, Church, theology, social action, the great outdoors and being creative, and all of those things - along with many more - come through in my posts!
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